Hurt People Hurt People

Bill Cosby once said, "Hurt people, hurt people".  Working in the retail industry puts us in the position to work with people from all walks of life and many of them are hurting.  If we work in an industry where we have the same return customer's each month, we get to know them a little more intimately (if we allow ourselves to do so).  I think it is important to get to know our customers as people so I do.  I'm going to let you all into my life a little bit and say that my son and I have been through a lot of hurt and heartache for several years.  He had a chronic illness for many years, therefore we have moved from state to state so I could get him the best medical treatment possible.  Home after home (our own or staying with someone else) and surgery after surgery, we have learned to live with daily exhaustion.  It's tested us both as individuals in every aspect humanly possible, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I think that perhaps this is why I have so much compassion for the human heart yet on the other hand why I can also easily wear my heart on my sleeve.  Why wouldn't that affect anyone adversely?  We are, after all, human.

So, throughout all of our travels, we discovered something we love to do together, laugh.  It has been such a joy to see my son learn to cope with the circumstances using laughter.  We watch comedies, comedians, write comedy, make up jokes, laugh at situations, etc.  Whatever it takes, we laugh.  I remember many doctor's visits where we would sit in the exam room knowing they were hearing our laughter down the hallway.  In most children's hospitals, it was a welcome sound.  People love laughter.  We can cover up the pain in front of others but often it is too much to bear so sometimes it comes out in an adverse way.  This is where I have learned so much more from my son, who through hurt in many different circumstances has learned to love people unconditionally.  He says, "Mom, hurt people, hurt people".  It's true, we do.  I've done it often through my own fears and wish I could take back the words that sometimes come from this hurting soul.

After several years of working behind the scenes in the non-profit and for profit sector, I am now on the front line dealing with people who are going through a lot.  I've been yelled at, cursed at, had fists in my face, doors slammed on me and I have had to learn to not lash out.  These are hurting people.  But more so, I have had the privilege of hugging and comforting people who were in tears while listening to their stories of dying parents or children, lost jobs, lost homes and domestic violence.  These are also hurting people.  Sometimes they are personal friends and other times they just need to unload.  I let them.  Maybe I'm the 20th person they have unloaded on or maybe I am the first and only.  In any case, it's important to me that I hear them out.  It's been a learning experience for me and one that I have failed at times.  I'm still healing, too.

It's easy to love on someone when they are vulnerable but how do you do it when you are also hurting?  How do you love on them when you have already had a miserable week and they come in and take their miserable week out on you?  This is where it can be a little tough.  In the working world, we have been taught that "you leave your personal life home" and that is true to some extent.  However, by doing this, you aren't dealing with your current issues.  So, you bury it at work and go home and all of that pinned up emotion goes out to your loved ones or you just learn to keep it buried.  So, you become a volcano that is either active or dormant but active.  Dangerous either way.  But, you can't talk about it at work, either, can you?  This is where I have learned to become creative.

"Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me", when I first read this quote from Chris Prentiss, it changed how I saw things.  Not immediately, though, I had to say it over and over and I still say it over and over.  That still wasn't enough, though, I made copies and taped it on my desk, my car and at home.  I need the reminder.  We have to find something positive.  If prayer works for you, then pray.  If meditation works, then meditate.  If changing your applied philosophies works, then do it.  But, you must find positive outlets in your life.  I have found that old habits die hard.  If you are used to handling situations the same way over and over again and they are detrimental to yourself and everyone else around you, then that reaction will be the first thing you run to when faced with negatives in your life.  You must retrain your thinking habits.  It doesn't happen over night so you mustn't give up if you fail sometimes.

My Grandmother passed away two weeks ago.  I've known for quite a while that she was dying but was still so unprepared for the moment I received the news.  She was my second Mother.  She helped raise me and the memories all came back.  There were regrets that I was unable to be there before she passed.  I came to work each day and told myself I was handling everything well, but I wasn't.  I knew I had to take time to grieve.  So, I did.  And it worked.  I came to terms with her death, she was in a lot of pain and I knew it was a blessing for her to no longer be in pain.  I came to terms with the fact that someday, I will see her.  She knew we lived out of state and I am certain she understood.  Our last memories together were good.  That's how she would have wanted it.  I still have my short-lived moments but taking time to grieve was the best decision I could have made.  Maybe you need to grieve your current circumstance?  Perhaps it will take 5 minutes or maybe you need more time to reflect and heal.  In any case, you can't be there for others unless you are also in the process of healing.  It is also more difficult to handle a dire situation if your thinking is clouded by hurt.

Every day that we leave our home we face people.  We can either walk around them and pretend they aren't there or we can face them with a smile.  Unless we are living in a bubble, there is no way we can avoid people.  And let's face it, sometimes it would make life so much easier if we could.  But, we can't and shouldn't.  If we try, we might miss a life changing experience. So, today is the day to make a decision, how are we going to deal with people?  When we have a customer walk in the door looking upset, are we going to roll our eyes and think, "Oh great, what now?" or are we going to greet them with a smile and let them know someone cares?  Are we going to begin dealing with our own hurts or are we going to continue to bury them?  Bottom line, when are you going to start living and loving?  I know I am ready to do both.  I've been ready.  It's more than business, it's life.  Your business is people and people are your business.  So, whaddya say?  Anyone up for a group hug?   Try it, you might just like it.

Do you have any life changing events or stories that have changed your perspective on life or business?  If so, we would love to hear your story.

Michelle Armstrong
Manager
Star Storage
816-765-7300

The Holidays Messed Me Up (and other excuses for late payments)

Still somewhat of a rookie to self-storage management, I can say this has truly been a year to remember.  It was a great year for us for numbers.  Our sales and occupancy went up, defaults decreased and then December came along and everything seemed to come to a screeching halt.  Amazingly enough, it's as if 25% of my customers disappeared off the face of the planet.  People who were never late suddenly had emergencies left and right or I just couldn't reach them.  I had no idea one holiday could cause so much disaster on the planet in such a short amount of time.  I was sending out letters, making weekly calls, begging, doing whatever it took to get those payments in, but to little avail.

So, I decided that perhaps I have been way too nice this past year and they were just waiting until Christmas to stick it to me.  Then again, maybe there was a natural disaster and somehow I missed that news update on my Twitter feed.  In any case, these people went AWOL and without the secret service in my employ, it was a waiting game.  I figured most of these people wouldn't want their units auctioned so they would eventually show up.  And they did, when they realized they were locked out after Christmas and I wasn't going to let them in without a payment.  

This is when it became, at times, stressful and other times, humorous.  Let the excuses begin...  "Please don't auction my belonging's, I've been in jail for the past month."  "Oh really", I replied, "then why didn't you pay in November?"  "Oh, because I was in jail then, too, for a couple of weeks".   "You couldn't have called in between?" "My Dad didn't give me the messages or my mail".  

Sigh....

And then there were the holidays.  Do you remember the good old days when we could blame the dog for everything?  Well, now we are resorting to blaming holidays.  "Oh, there's a late fee? Oh man, I'm so sorry, the holidays messed me up".  Me, "Yes, apparently they messed a lot of people up, I can take your payment over the phone".  "Oh, well, I don't have enough cash"  "OK, then I will see you tomorrow when you do".  I often think about American's and the fact that we have accrued so much debt.  I look at the preceding conversation and no longer have to ponder the reasons why.  Sure there are always exceptions to the rule. We had one customer have her credit card stolen right before she went into the hospital for surgery.  She came in after her recovery period and paid December and this month's.  She contacted me, was concerned and didn't "r-u-n-n-o-f-t"  ("Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?") without an explanation.

What really gets me is when the customer walks in with a new do, nails done, dressed to the nines and talks about her new car in the parking lot while begging for more time to pay her storage because she is low on cash right now.  Or, begging first for more time while talking about their sick relative, divorce, job loss, etc and then once getting into the conversation forgetting why they are here and mentioning their recent elaborate vacation.  Oops....  Nope, this sister is finally with the program and on her toes. 

I think about when I was young and the excuses I tried to use with my Mother when I didn't complete a task I was asked to accomplish. "Michelle, did you clean your room?" "Uhh, well, uhh, I would have but the holidays messed me up...."  Not a good excuse to use with my Mother and definitely not a good excuse to use with me.  Nevertheless, this has been the typical excuse the past month.  Let's blame it on the holidays.  So, I have my little list of suggestions for my customers who seem completely thrown off by their overspending during the holidays:

1) Craigslist something to pay for your storage
2) Take a second job
3) Take a Dave Ramsey course
4) Panhandling (seriously, don't do this...)
5) Go to Mom and Dad, unless they taught you your financial management skills...

Yes, I may seem a little Scroogie right now but those who know me know I am quite possibly one of the nicest people you could ever meet.  I just happen to be a little dumbfounded by the extreme measures people have taken during this season to achieve happiness and fulfillment through buying too much stuff.  If you have it to spend, then by all means, please, pour back into our economy.  But please, please do not spend what you don't have and tell people you are sorry you can't pay them because of the holidays.  If you truly had an emergency and you are putting forth every effort to work with your creditor, then by all means, you have a good excuse.  But, that big screen television that went on sale for $999 on Black Friday is not a good excuse....and no, I don't want to watch the Super Bowl at your house this year, thank you.

So, while the holidays have been stressful for many, and several have had medical issues, relatives who have sadly passed away, job losses, etc, (which are entirely legitimate issues), there are still many who have added an extra stress to your lives and that is called, overspending.  The hair and nails can wait (gasp!) a little while, the big screen television is not a necessity (no matter how large it is, those football players will never really be in your living room), the vacation to the Bahama's can definitely wait and your child does not need every gaming system available on the market (do they even know what you look like anymore?).  Debt is so overrated, let's put an end to it before it puts an end to us.


Michelle Armstrong
Manager
Star Storage
816-765-7300