Hurt People Hurt People

Bill Cosby once said, "Hurt people, hurt people".  Working in the retail industry puts us in the position to work with people from all walks of life and many of them are hurting.  If we work in an industry where we have the same return customer's each month, we get to know them a little more intimately (if we allow ourselves to do so).  I think it is important to get to know our customers as people so I do.  I'm going to let you all into my life a little bit and say that my son and I have been through a lot of hurt and heartache for several years.  He had a chronic illness for many years, therefore we have moved from state to state so I could get him the best medical treatment possible.  Home after home (our own or staying with someone else) and surgery after surgery, we have learned to live with daily exhaustion.  It's tested us both as individuals in every aspect humanly possible, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I think that perhaps this is why I have so much compassion for the human heart yet on the other hand why I can also easily wear my heart on my sleeve.  Why wouldn't that affect anyone adversely?  We are, after all, human.

So, throughout all of our travels, we discovered something we love to do together, laugh.  It has been such a joy to see my son learn to cope with the circumstances using laughter.  We watch comedies, comedians, write comedy, make up jokes, laugh at situations, etc.  Whatever it takes, we laugh.  I remember many doctor's visits where we would sit in the exam room knowing they were hearing our laughter down the hallway.  In most children's hospitals, it was a welcome sound.  People love laughter.  We can cover up the pain in front of others but often it is too much to bear so sometimes it comes out in an adverse way.  This is where I have learned so much more from my son, who through hurt in many different circumstances has learned to love people unconditionally.  He says, "Mom, hurt people, hurt people".  It's true, we do.  I've done it often through my own fears and wish I could take back the words that sometimes come from this hurting soul.

After several years of working behind the scenes in the non-profit and for profit sector, I am now on the front line dealing with people who are going through a lot.  I've been yelled at, cursed at, had fists in my face, doors slammed on me and I have had to learn to not lash out.  These are hurting people.  But more so, I have had the privilege of hugging and comforting people who were in tears while listening to their stories of dying parents or children, lost jobs, lost homes and domestic violence.  These are also hurting people.  Sometimes they are personal friends and other times they just need to unload.  I let them.  Maybe I'm the 20th person they have unloaded on or maybe I am the first and only.  In any case, it's important to me that I hear them out.  It's been a learning experience for me and one that I have failed at times.  I'm still healing, too.

It's easy to love on someone when they are vulnerable but how do you do it when you are also hurting?  How do you love on them when you have already had a miserable week and they come in and take their miserable week out on you?  This is where it can be a little tough.  In the working world, we have been taught that "you leave your personal life home" and that is true to some extent.  However, by doing this, you aren't dealing with your current issues.  So, you bury it at work and go home and all of that pinned up emotion goes out to your loved ones or you just learn to keep it buried.  So, you become a volcano that is either active or dormant but active.  Dangerous either way.  But, you can't talk about it at work, either, can you?  This is where I have learned to become creative.

"Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me", when I first read this quote from Chris Prentiss, it changed how I saw things.  Not immediately, though, I had to say it over and over and I still say it over and over.  That still wasn't enough, though, I made copies and taped it on my desk, my car and at home.  I need the reminder.  We have to find something positive.  If prayer works for you, then pray.  If meditation works, then meditate.  If changing your applied philosophies works, then do it.  But, you must find positive outlets in your life.  I have found that old habits die hard.  If you are used to handling situations the same way over and over again and they are detrimental to yourself and everyone else around you, then that reaction will be the first thing you run to when faced with negatives in your life.  You must retrain your thinking habits.  It doesn't happen over night so you mustn't give up if you fail sometimes.

My Grandmother passed away two weeks ago.  I've known for quite a while that she was dying but was still so unprepared for the moment I received the news.  She was my second Mother.  She helped raise me and the memories all came back.  There were regrets that I was unable to be there before she passed.  I came to work each day and told myself I was handling everything well, but I wasn't.  I knew I had to take time to grieve.  So, I did.  And it worked.  I came to terms with her death, she was in a lot of pain and I knew it was a blessing for her to no longer be in pain.  I came to terms with the fact that someday, I will see her.  She knew we lived out of state and I am certain she understood.  Our last memories together were good.  That's how she would have wanted it.  I still have my short-lived moments but taking time to grieve was the best decision I could have made.  Maybe you need to grieve your current circumstance?  Perhaps it will take 5 minutes or maybe you need more time to reflect and heal.  In any case, you can't be there for others unless you are also in the process of healing.  It is also more difficult to handle a dire situation if your thinking is clouded by hurt.

Every day that we leave our home we face people.  We can either walk around them and pretend they aren't there or we can face them with a smile.  Unless we are living in a bubble, there is no way we can avoid people.  And let's face it, sometimes it would make life so much easier if we could.  But, we can't and shouldn't.  If we try, we might miss a life changing experience. So, today is the day to make a decision, how are we going to deal with people?  When we have a customer walk in the door looking upset, are we going to roll our eyes and think, "Oh great, what now?" or are we going to greet them with a smile and let them know someone cares?  Are we going to begin dealing with our own hurts or are we going to continue to bury them?  Bottom line, when are you going to start living and loving?  I know I am ready to do both.  I've been ready.  It's more than business, it's life.  Your business is people and people are your business.  So, whaddya say?  Anyone up for a group hug?   Try it, you might just like it.

Do you have any life changing events or stories that have changed your perspective on life or business?  If so, we would love to hear your story.

Michelle Armstrong
Manager
Star Storage
816-765-7300